


Naming Demons

by junko



Series: Chasing Demons [44]
Category: Bleach
Genre: Blow Jobs, M/M, Past Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-19
Updated: 2013-02-19
Packaged: 2017-11-29 20:39:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/691213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/junko/pseuds/junko
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Even though Renji is preoccupied with thoughts of Byakuya's offer, he knows they need to talk first.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Naming Demons

**Author's Note:**

> There is a tiny reference within to my personal theory of the randomness in which shinigami (of the Rukongai) age. It remains, to me, one of the great mysteries of the Bleach 'verse.
> 
> Also, as usual, I have to thank [Josey (cestus)](http://archiveofourown.org/users/cestus/pseuds/Josey) for her help with this. (Also, if you haven't read her ["Darker Shades of Pale"](http://archiveofourown.org/works/671777) go do that first. I'll wait.)

Renji tore into the bread Byakuya called ‘nan.’ It had an almost nutty butter- flavor and was dense and chewy. Renji savored it for a while, trying to decide what he should say. Byakuya had been understandably quiet the past few moments. There’d been nothing between them but the clank of the foreign silverware.

Byakuya kept his eyes down so it was hard to read what he was thinking, but, clearly, it had been hard for him to tell his story.

Yet… to be completely honest? What Renji really wanted, was to ask if Byakuya was serious about the possibility of going down on his knees and exactly how soon something like that might happen. The thought of that was making him hot and bothered to the point that his jeans were feeling too tight already.

But he didn’t want to be a total asshole.

Renji reached out his boot and briefly rubbed the back of Byakuya’s leg sympathetically under the table. After a quick glance to make sure the ladies across from them were engaged in their own conversation, Renji leaned in. “You know,” he said said quietly, “I accidentally killed someone once, too.”

It was an ugly story and but similar enough to Byakuya’s that Renji thought maybe it might help Byakuya feel a little better to have this in common. “In Inuzuri,” Renji said, reaching for the teapot to refill his bowl. “I accidentally beat a guy to death.” 

Renji glanced over to see Byakuya watching him very intently.

Ripping off a bit more nan with his teeth, Renji continued, “I suppose that doesn’t seem like the kind of thing you can do by mistake, does it? But, I’d grown a lot that summer all of a sudden—you know bigger, taller… older, I guess.” Renji tugged at a strand of his unbound hair, thinking about it had grown surprisingly longer, too. He shook his head, “I still don’t understand how that happened like that, but, thing is, I didn’t know my own strength. Plus, this guy--he’d hurt our friends and I was so angry I couldn’t see straight. I just kept… anyway, I should have stopped. When I did, it was too late.” Renji shook his head. “It was all so stupid. Our friends died anyway. It wasn’t like I’d done any good. It just made me feel sick.”

Byakuya’s hand reached across the table and squeezed Renji’s tight fist where it gripped the fork. “I’m sorry,” he said.

“Don’t be. I don’t usually lose that much sleep over it.” Renji said, pulling his hand away to finish up the last of the lamb and rice. “But, you know, when Rukia brought up Academy again after we’d buried our friends, I thought ‘Yeah, I could use some decent training or I’m just going end up a mindless killer.’ Besides, a skill set like murder don’ t go unnoticed in Inuzuri for long. If I’d stayed, a family would have claimed me. Fast.”

“A family? You mean yakuza?”

Renji nodded, sopping up the last bits of the lamb with his bread. Renji chuckled darkly at the thought, “Yeah, I could have been adopted, too—just like Rukia, only, way, way different. I guess fate really wanted me to be a soldier. Both paths led the same direction.”

“Not at all,” Byakuya said sharply. “Your life has meaning here. You serve justice, not the whims of some petty criminal.”

Renji nodded, though they’d all just been serving Aizen unknowingly. 

He also kept to himself the thought that the yakuza provided a lot of the same services to the Rukongai that the Gotei did for the Soul King. They kept the peace, maintained order, protected citizens—albeit for a fee. And, Renji had seen yakuza soldiers feed the starving—usually to recruit anyone with decent reiatsu, but hey, it was still a charity no one else provided. You could go to the local mob boss for all sorts of fixes, not every one of them was ‘petty.’ Each soldier ran their turf their own way; some were decent enough. Some had even been Academy trained. They’d just washed out. It wasn’t as black and white a line as Byakuya would like it to be.

“Anyway,” Renji said, slurping the last of the tea in his cup. “The point is I understand what it’s like to lose control and hurt someone. I’ve done it a lot actually. I did it to you once.”

Byakuya set the silverware on his plate and wiped his mouth with the napkin. “You mean the demon.”

“The demon,” Renji sighed out the words and shook his head, hating the way Byakuya always talked about that as if it were something entirely separate. “It’s the other reason you tie me up, isn’t it?” he asked all of a sudden, the words just tumbling out on their own. “Don’t lie. It’s not _just_ a kink. You don’t want me out of control like that ever again.”

The silence was… heavy. Byakuya’s lips were thin and his eyes cold.

Renji decided that since this was a fight he’d started, he might as well finish it. Besides, Byakuya wouldn’t risk a full-on physical fight in the World of the Living. Renji leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms in front of his chest. “Look,” he said calmly. “I don’t blame you, but don’t think I haven’t noticed. You used to beg me to be wicked--it turned you on how rough I was… how rough you _thought_ I was. Irony there, huh?”

Renji paused to chuckle darkly and glanced at Byakuya, hopeful for a comment or a glimmer of a response. Byakuya’s face was tight and empty.

“Anyway,” Renji continued. “I remember at the Hanami all those things you whispered in my ear that you wanted; how you used to call me your demon lover. You don’t ask for that stuff anymore, you stopped calling me that... You told me that the alley was about trying to control Zabimaru, but I told you we’re one and the same. All that stuff that happened that night we came back with Rukia… that was me as much as him-- and you know it. You’ve always known it.”

“Yes, I did, Renji,” Byakuya said, his voice calm, but clipped. “But you must understand now why I can’t tolerate your refusal to control your demon.”

“Because I might kill someone accidentally?” Renji asked with a snort, “Don’t make me laugh. It’s far too late for that. I had this demon _long_ before it had a name.”

Byakuya was stone still. Thinking, maybe? Pissed off as hell? Renji wasn’t sure, but since he had the floor, he kept it.

“And don’t act like I’m not being used for the same thing I would’ve back there. Dog of the military, dog in Inuzuri--ain’t much difference. You needed me to kill Rukia--my very best friend in the whole world, someone I loved for nearly half a century, your goddamn _sister_. It was an ugly, fucked up job and I had go deep-dark do it. I didn’t want to go there. You think I did? But, I did it for you, and I ain’t been getting nothing but punishment from you since.”

“That’s not entirely fair,” Byakuya said, his face softening a little. 

“Isn’t it?” Renji asked. Struggling now to keep his voice down, he talked through clenched teeth. “You thought asking something like that from me was nothing; that I could just give it without any cost—or at least no cost to _you_. But, then you held me back when you changed your mind and we both paid the price.”

“Indeed we did,” Byakuya agreed. He started to reach out a hand, but stopped short. Instead, he folded them on the table. “But much has changed since then, Renji, including me. There are things I once placed very little value on that I now understand are more important than anything. And one of those things is you.”

Renji liked hearing that. A lot. But, it wasn’t quite enough to quench all the fire. “Yeah, then how come I’m still paying so much on my knees? I get it, you know. I’m not entirely stupid. I know I broke more than furniture that night. I broke your trust. But, for crying out loud, what’s it going to take to earn it back?”

“I’m not sure,” Byakuya said quietly.

“I was sure enough of you,” Renji said with a snort of disgust. He looked around for the waiter. Not seeing him, he stood up, determined to leave with or without the bill. “That’s the part that makes me angriest. Everything between us has become about me, making up for that night, and you know what? I shouldn’t have had to grovel in an alley or in the bedroom. Ever. You should fucking thank me, beg for my forgiveness. But, you’ve never even acknowledged what I offered. You treated Rukia like shit for years. I know, because when you were cold to her I was the shoulder she cried on.” Renji pointed at the spot just above his heart. “I’m surprised there’s not a permanent wet spot there. But, I could tell she held back—she didn’t even tell me the half of it, because she knew I’d want to kill you. But, even knowing all that, when you asked me to chose, I still said I’d trade her for you. Do you even know what that means? No, you don’t. Because you didn’t love her like I do. You loved her ghost.”

“Renji, please sit down,” Byakuya said. Standing up slowly, Byakuya gestured at Renji’s pushed back chair. “And please believe I’ve come to realize my mistakes with Rukia. And, to some extent, with you. I do acknowledge that I shouldn’t have asked of you something I couldn’t do myself. Because, I _couldn’t_ , Renji. Despite what you say, I have also always loved Rukia, though I didn’t know how to show it. Ultimately, I came to understand I would have died rather than lose her.”

Renji had been reaching for the leather jacket, but he stopped. Byakuya had at least proven that last point kind of dramatically. “Fine,” Renji said as a wicked thought occurred to him. “You show me.”

“Show you? Show you what?”

Renji shouldered into the leather. “For my money, you still need to prove to me how grateful you are for my willingness to destroy the one other love of my life for your miserable ass. I say, you can show me-- in the alley, on your knees.”

Color spotted Byakuya’s cheeks instantly. His eye widened and his nose lifted. “I… will—“

Renji waited for ‘not.’ Byakuya struggled with it, his face doing—to Renji’s eyes, at least—contortions over it. Renji decided to seal the deal, “I have an alley. It’s only fair you have one too.”

Byakuya let out a ragged breath. “I see. And if this happens, this slate hanging over us will be washed clean of its dues?”

“Yeah, I think so, don’t you? Besides, I ain’t asking for anything like what I had to give. You said you’d consider it, so I’m just saying consider now a good time.”

“So… this isn’t an ultimatum?”

Renji shook his head. “I can’t do that to you. Anyway, that’s the kind of shit that gets added, not taken away, from that slate of ours.” But Renji gestured broadly at his body, like it was a fine work of art. He swaggered a little as he said, “But, I think you should make a real effort. Try showing a little gratitude. Give me a little something to show you appreciate me.”

Byakuya stifled a little smile, “Very well. I will give you an alley.”

#

Renji forgot about the rain, but it had mostly subsided to a misty drizzle. They were able to find a backdoor that had a little awning over it. The overhead bulb had been broken, but a flickering of an exit light illuminated the space in weak flashes of red. It’d taken a while to find, but Renji was satisfied that this spot was secluded enough that they couldn’t be interrupted or overseen.

The way Byakuya had followed him dutifully during their search with downcast eyes turned Renji on something fierce. Now they stood facing each other, and the thought of what was to come had Renji hard and aching already. 

Renji had his back to the door and they stood close enough to kiss. Mingled in the rain were the familiar scents of this man—the smell of his hair, his body, and lingering spice of curry. Renji wondered if he should say something—maybe ask Byakuya if he was sure about this or, maybe start babbling stupidly about how much he appreciated Byakuya’s willingness. But all he could do was stare greedily at that mouth and think about how much he wanted to see it take him all in. The thought made Renji moan.

With a little resigned sigh, Byakuya dropped to his knees. 

The wet air darkened Byakuya’s hair and strands clung wetly to his cheeks as he looked up at Renji from that position, his eyes wide, and his mouth slightly open. Then, a brief flash of pink tongue as it darted out to wet lips…

And, that was it.

“Oh god,” Renji moaned, nearly stumbling back into the door. He had to grip the railing as he doubled over, coming harder than he ever had in his life. “Oh, fuck! Ah! Oh! Oh shit! Ah, fucking god!”

Byakuya blinked at him in confusion. “I haven’t even touched you.”

Renji was panting hard and it was difficult to form words. “I… shit! You…. So… hot….” 

“Indeed,” Byakuya noted dryly with the arch of a thin, elegant eyebrow. “If I had any idea this would be all it would take please you so tremendously, I would have offered a long time ago.”

“Mmm…ugh,” Renji groaned incoherently. His trembling knees gave out and he slid down the wall and landed hard on his ass on the wet concrete step. Legs sprawled open on either side of where Byakuya knelt. Renji’s hair snagged against the rough brick, but he didn’t have the energy to do anything other than groan helplessly and listen to the thudding of his heart.

Byakuya waited a moment, settling back into seiza. He put a hand on Renji’s knee. “Would you like to try again?” Byakuya’s finger trailed down the inside seam of Renji’s jeans, making him shudder again. “Perhaps with a bit of coaxing…?”

Renji grabbed Byakuya’s hand to stop him. “I… in a bit. I couldn’t take it right now. I’m… all spent, really. That was… intense.” 

“It was?” Byakuya shook his head bemusedly, “This, Renji Abarai, is going to be one of those moments for me, like your poetry.”

“That good, huh?” Renji asked, pulling the wet hair from his eyes.

“Yes, very much so.” Crawling into Renji’s open body, Byakuya kissed him. The taste of curry was in Renji’s mouth, hot, but not unwelcome. It was a passionate kiss, full of unspoken emotion, but tentative, too, as though wary of a connection that was lost. 

Renji reached up and put his hands on Byakuya’s face and drew him in deeper. He let his fingers curl around silken strands of hair and slide around smooth, wet skin to the back of Byakuya’s neck. 

It was so strange to feel silk that wasn’t uniform and the stiff fabric of Byakuya’s suit coat, especially since it smelled of Urahara’s storage unit and not of Byakuya. But, it felt good to feel the captain’s body warm and close, his familiar reiatsu enveloping them both.

When they broke from the kiss, Renji looked up into Byakuya’s stormy gray eyes and said, “Kissing: exclamation mark, five.”

“I’m sorry, what?” The look of confusion on Byakuya’s face made him seem younger, and so… cute.

“It means: yes--a big yes, to this. I love kissing you. I could do it all night.” Renji couldn’t resist reaching up and tapping Byakuya’s nose playfully. He nearly died again when Byakuya took Renji’s hand in his and brought it to his lips. That tantalizing tongue flicked out and caressed knuckles, and then Byakuya brought them into his mouth and sucked. “Oh, ugh…”

Byakuya let out a soft laugh. Repeating his performance down the ridge of Renji’s knuckles, Byakuya teased, “I suppose it’s fortunate you have the staying power for something.”

“Ha,” Renji said. “You know I’ll be ready to go again in no time. Especially if you keep that up.”

“Would you like to stay here until you can?”

“Here?” Renji looked around the dank alley, suddenly catching the odor rot and garbage and feeling the sticky grossness in his pants. “Nah, what I really want to do is change, and, then, I don’t know, go dancing or something?”

“As you wish,” Byakuya said in a way that made Renji shudder again. Byakuya smiled at him and then captured his lips one more time, in a kiss so passionate it nearly pushed all the air from Renji’s lungs. When Byakuya pulled away, he said, “You can be in charge tonight. All night.”

If he could have, Renji would have lost it all again.

#

Renji dug through the box of underwear in the storage unit trying to find something in his size with fewer hearts or glitter on it. Byakuya stood beside closed door perusing the questionnaire. He seemed to find it endlessly interesting, Renji thought with a smile. Yet, out of the corner of his eye, Renji noticed Byakuya glancing over at him several times with serious, thoughtful look in his eyes. 

Finally finding something relatively decent, which was surprisingly difficult given Urahara’s apparently perverted taste, Renji slung the clean underwear over his shoulder and started to unbutton his jeans. He was stepping out of them when Byakuya finally spoke.

“There’s nothing on this form about it, and I wonder if I might ask you something somewhat indelicate.”

“Yeah, of course you can,” Renji said. Pulling off his underwear, he used the dry parts to clean himself off a little. He tossed the filthy wad into the laundry basket Urahara had over in the corner. When Renji realized Byakuya hadn’t said anything else for a long moment, he turned to look at him, “Taicho?”

Byakuya seemed more drawn into himself than usual. He still held the questionnaire, but it was clear he was no longer reading it, but using it as something to focus on. “Is it rude to spit?”

Huh? “You mean on the sidewalk?”

From the frustrated noise Byakuya made and the way he pinched the bridge of his nose, Renji got the sense he was being dense. “No, I mean during… or rather, after….”

Renji followed Byakuya’s pointed gaze to Renji’s… oh! “You mean after a blow job?” 

Byakuya’s face pinked instantly, though he covered it by lifting his head and looking away as though suddenly finding the racks of hanging clothes fascinating—or, from the deep scowl on his face, horribly offensive. 

Had this been Byakuya’s big hang-up all this time? Renji couldn’t suppress a gentle laugh, “Seriously? Why would I care if you swallow or not? Doing the deed is enough for me. I’m occupied at that point anyway. You could probably do a dozen things with it, I’d never notice.”

Byakuya’s hard concentration on the clothing racks faltered. “You’re certain? It’s just that I’ve been called cold and… unloving for not being fond of it. And, obviously, I’m capable. It’s just that--”

Renji waved him off. Honestly, he didn’t need details. “Forget about it. You like what you like; you don’t what you don’t. That guy who made you feel so uptight about it was a boob.” _And_ , Renji added silently, _I could kill that bastard for ruining it for the rest of us, especially over such a minor thing_. “Anyways, I always figured the big problem was the whole ‘down on your knees thing,’ what with you being all noble and me being all… not.”

“I’d be lying if I said that wasn’t part of it,” Byakuya said.

“Yeah, I figured as much,” Renji said somewhat gruffly. He couldn’t pretend that part didn’t hurt a little. He turned to finish getting into the clean underwear.

“Renji, wait.”

Renji glanced over his shoulder to see Byakuya setting aside the questionnaire. 

“This isn’t an alley, but it’s certainly private,” Byakuya said when he stood beside him. Once again he reached for Renji’s hand. Finding underwear grasped in it, Byakuya unpeeled Renji’s fingers and set the clean underwear onto the top of a closed cardboard box marked ‘hats.’ Then he took Renji’s first two fingers into his mouth and let his tongue play across them before giving them a hard suck.

“Oh,” Renji said, suddenly struggling for breath again. Heat flushed his face. “But…” Renji glanced around at the ceiling corners of the storage unit, “Aren’t you worried that Urahara is watching.”

“He very well may be,” Byakuya murmured. Repeating his performance with the rest of Renji’s fingers, he completely derailed the rest of Renji’s argument. Sliding them out seductively, Byakuya said, “Doesn’t the thought make things more interesting?”

It was one of the scenarios they’d talked about doing: having a threesome with one person watching. But, it had never crossed Renji’s mind that Byakuya would allow himself to be watched. Plus there was something about the idea of someone else witnessing the monumental moment with Byakuya on his knees that got Renji hard. So he had to say, with a glance down at his bobbing cock, “I… uh, maybe?”

Byakuya looked down as well, and then shook his head as though in disbelief. Then, he released Renji’s hand and moved in for a kiss. Pressed together, Renji realized he was half naked—the wrong way. He felt kind of silly when Byakuya’s pants rubbed against his bare legs, while the bulk of the leather jacket blocked their upper bodies.

Byakuya seemed to have a similar thought. His palms moved up the plane of Renji’s chest, over his shoulders to drag the weight of the leather jacket off. It slid down his arms and fell to the floor with muffled thump and jangle. Then, after slowly making their way back down his chest, Byakuya’s hands slipped under the muscle shirt until thumbs found the hardened pebbles of nipples. Fingernails raked across sensitive skin, and Renji moaned against Byakuya’s teeth.

Finally thinking to help, Renji grabbed the bottom of the shirt and dragged it over his head. He only broke the kiss when he had to—making it sort of sloppy as his lips and mouth groped to return to Byakuya’s. Blindly, Renji tossed his shirt in the direction off the laundry basket. He was pretty sure he missed, but he was far more interested in teasing out the tastes of Byakuya’s curry.

As Byakuya started heading south, Renji growled in anticipation. He leaned back and braced his arms on the boxes, determined to hold back this time. But, it wasn’t working. His heart hammered in his chest just to see the Byakuya’s head bent and his body beginning to lower onto knees. He’d dreamed of his so often, finally experiencing it was making Renji’s brain melt.

It didn’t help that Byakuya occasionally paused in his downward progression to trace tattoo with his wet tongue. The cool air brought goose pimples to Renji’s naked flesh and stuttering moans to his throat. 

All this play of tongue and teeth and breath and hands across his body suddenly made Renji hyper-aware that, if Urahara was getting a show of anything, it was of him—stripped, exposed, painfully aroused, and writhing under Byakuya’s command. 

Byakuya hadn’t removed a stitch.

Renji snarled a little: trust Byakuya to find a way to retain some power—even on his knees.

And what a show for Urahara. Damn.

In his suit coat, looking decidedly well-dressed and tidy, Byakuya knelt before Renji’s aroused, hard cock. It was already glistening with precum at the head. They both looked at it for a moment, rampant as it was in against tangle of dark crimson hair. 

“Magnificent,” Byakuya said. Then, he grasped the base of Renji’s cock in his hand, holding it snuggly with just enough pressure that it reminded Renji of the cock ring. At Renji’s corresponding groan, the strangest thing came out of Byakuya’s mouth. It was a question: “Do you like that?”

What? Why was there talking now? Doing! There needed to be doing!

“Nrg,” Renji said, but he managed to also nod.

“I thought you might,” Byakuya smiled thinly. Looking up at him pointedly, he deliberately licked his lips seductively, while holding on tightly. “And it may help with your… eagerness.”

“Get busy, you bastard,” Renji grunted, but he didn’t mean it. In fact he wasn’t even sure what he said was intelligible because he was suddenly overwhelmed by the sight and sounds of Byakuya’s tongue lapping the length of his shaft, “Oh god!”

Byakuya rested his free hand, cool and solid, against Renji’s hip. His thumb absently traced the along the bone there, and his grip tightened to keep Renji from thrusting too hard, too fast. At the same time the fingers of Byakuya’s other hand continued to squeeze his cock in an increasing rhythm he matched with his mouth. Somehow sensation of hand and mouth together made Renji feel completely engulfed, almost as though Byakuya was deep-throating him. While panting and swearing and moaning and helplessly rocking into it all, a skittering thought went through Renji’s fevered brain: _it’s this kind of concentration that makes him able to perform complex kidō in the middle of battle. He’s so much stronger than I’ll ever be. I’m lost—so lost._

When Byakuya’s deep moan of pleasure vibrated against Renji’s cock, that was it—all Renji could take. “Ah! Oh, shit. I think I’m going to…”

Byakuya removed his mouth, letting his hand do the rest of the work, while he continued to kiss and lick Renji’s hips and stomach… and when his tongue curled out into Renji’s bellybutton… it was too much. He came explosively as Byakuya continued to stroke and tease every last drop from him. 

“Fuck it,” Renji said breathlessly, as he noticed the glistening spattering streak he’d left on Byakuya’s cheek. His knees buckled and just before he reached out to lick the taste of himself from Byakuya’s face, Renji growled lowly in Byakuya’s ear: “The hell you need to swallow. That was awesome.”


End file.
